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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome many obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, which came as a huge shock. A lot of her social circle drifted away then, as they were only interested in her husband. She was stunned by her. She put in more effort to be my friend, and must have grasped better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

In the time since, many in her circle vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been highly competent, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, both of us left the workforce leading to more each other more, but I am finding the part I play in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points but she shifts them to her own topics. In terms of politics, she expresses strong opinions. I try to propose factchecking or other angles.

She has been arranging a vacation abroad I have traveled to on several occasions and resided in for some time. I tried to provide insights, yet it was unappreciated. She really solely sought validation of her decisions. I've just returned from 30 days there she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can comprehend the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, my state is avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

One option is to walk away, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution that we desire. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one involves describing the usual pattern during your discussions. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially an unbiased account. Step two is to express her how it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement here. Emotions are your feelings, naturally. Step three is to ask how the two of you will alter the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I promise to remain silent for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective for promoting understanding.

Key Takeaways

This person might reject everything, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they rely on a version about themselves they cannot abandon since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no clear path with these people, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present like this then consider your perspective. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have closure from having been truthful.